Marriage

This past weekend Michael and I went to Branson, MO for the Family Life Weekend to Remember event. One of Michaels friends bought us the tickets for Christmas so we could attend. It was one of the best weekends we have had in a long time! We learned so much! I want to share some of what we learned that way maybe it'll help someone reading this, and so I can come back one day and remember this amazing weekend.

First off the conference was at the Chaetae On The Lake, they were doing a special room rate if you stayed at the hotel and were going to the conference, so Michael and I decided to take advantage of it. We are so glad that we did, it was so nice to be able to just go back to our room to get ready for the night or be able to sleep in a little more and just walk down stairs for the early morning sessions, since neither one of us are morning people.  We got to the hotel Friday afternoon, went and got something to eat then did a little shopping. That night we had a couple of sessions to attend so we headed back to the hotel.

The first session was on why marriages fail, and just the different things that can happen in life to break a marriage up, from difficult adjustments, like the way you were raised, to what your expectations in marriage are. Another reason marriages fail is because of our cultures patterns. Now a days it's so easy for people to just throw in the towel instead of trying to work things out. I'm so glad that before we got married Michael and I made a vow to always work things out, and to never talk about the D word. Another reason is due to inevitable difficulties, you know when life gets hard it's hard to work through things, and still keep the love alive in your marriage. Extramarital affairs is another reason why marriages fail, not just with another person but you could be in an affair with your career, material things, or even activities. We must always remember that the first relationship in our life is God, but then the second one is our marriage. Lastly selfishness, everyone can admit that they are a selfish being, but being in a marriage you have to learn to put your spouses needs before your own. I will be the firs to say wow this is hard! Yet at the same time after 7 yrs of marriage making Michael happy makes me happy. It has become much easier over the years. In a round about way this session talked about how we need to have oneness in our marriage to make it work. Oneness with 3 people. God, our spouse and ourselves. When we have found that oneness it will make our marriage so much stronger and better in the end. I'm so glad that I married a Godly man who makes God the center of our marriage and then in turn our family!

The second session was on communication. Wow can communication be difficult! We learned about a couple different types of communication that I want to share so you can figure out what is your communication type and the what type your spouse is. I'll put a (*) next to the type I am.

• Land-the-plane: this type of communicators want to find the shortest path to the goal. They destination is their goal. (*)
• Enjoy-the-ride: they think you might as well relax and enjoy the ride. The trip is what it is all about.
• Share-your-feelings: they feel deeply about what they are communicate. for them emotions are simply a part of thinking (*)
• Just-the-facts: set aside emotions for logic, reason, and fact. For them, emotions interfere with good thinking.
• Thinking-out-loud: ask questions and make comments as soon as the thought occurs - even if the other person happens to be talking all the time. For them conversation is a group activity. (*)
• Let's-take-turns; use the principle of justice and fair play to govern communication. Conversations are simple: first you talk and then I talk.

Guess what communication styles Michael had.. the opposite. You will probably find that common with you and your spouse. By knowing the type of communication our spouse uses it will make it easier to communicate with them, and at times even be able to use their communication style. We also learned when communicating to respond emotion with emotion and fact with fact. Wow what an amazing concept.. in other words say I'm having the worst day of my life and I'm very emotional about it, Michael shouldn't respond with oh well are you sure it's the worse day what about this day, instead he could respond with oh, I'm so sorry Honee, and the proceed to give me a hug and a kiss.. being very emotional about it.
We also need to learn to listen well, this is where I as a female struggle because I'm a multitasker.  So I'm now striving to give not only Michael but even Whitnee my focused attention, to listen with acceptance and understanding, if I don't understand to as questions to clarify the statements, and to focus on what is being said and not the way it's being said. then I in turn an going to start thinking before I speak, remembering that not everything I'm feeling needs to be expressed, ask to make sure I'm being understood and to speak in a way that encourages.

All of this was just taken in on Friday night! I think I will stop there for today. Hopefully I will remember to get back on and talk about the rest of the weekend. We really did have so much fun spending the time just him and I.. well and all the other people their, but it felt like it was just him and I. We learned so much and I'm excited to see this weekend in working through out the rest of our marriage. Will we have ruff times? Absolutely but prayerfully we will make it through a lot easier because of the things we learned. We have already started doing devo together and praying together ever night again. It's so nice to be doing that with him. I hope that someone gets something out of this post. If you do please let me know. Thanks!