Thoughts

I really don't know where to start this blog but I know I need to start it. I know I need to let all the thoughts in my head out. So I guess I'll start from the begining. In June I started watching Ellie, my best friends little girl. Things have been going pretty well. She's soo sweet! Well the last couple of weeks i've been fighting with the emotion of missing my one on one time with Whitnee. We do get some one on one time druing the day while Ellie is napping but not nearly as much as we use to get. I missed being able to go outside with her when ever, I missed going to the park ith her, i've missed going to Walmart with her just because we can and have some time to kill. Whitnee doesn't like being home or well inside. She LOVES to be out and about. Sure we could get out with Ellie but it's so much harder with her still being so little. We didn't even really get out with Whitnee by ourselves when Whitnee was that little it was just to hard.

Next thing I have felt bad about is giving both Whitnee and Ellie they attention they want and need. Both girls need so much attention they are very girly and both need to be center of attention. There is only so much of me to go around and I feel bad for both of them.

I told Ami all of this yesterday and felt soo bad about it! It has nothing to do with them it's all me. I feel as if I need to put me and Whitnee first and I'm not sure how to make someone understand that with out them feeling like it's them or even there child. I also want to be able to enjoy Ellie as she get's older and I want to be someone they can count on to babysit when they need a babysitter. I also don't want Ellie to think of my as the babysitter I want her to think of me as the cool Aunt D.

Mine and Michaels intial thought was to stop watching Ellie in November 'cause the tribute would be paid off so money wouldn't be so tight and that would also give Ami and Guy some time to think about what they are going to do. Today Ami told me that Sept 10th will be the last day I watch her 'cause there is no point in dragging it out. So know I really have to trust that God will provide till Nov since we wont have that extra income. We have done it before so we can do it again as long as we trust in God.

I know what I'm doing is better in the long run. I know that life around the Sherry house will be better 'cause I can spend good time with Whitnee. She is only this little once and I'm only a 1 child mom once and I want to be able to enjoy it and enjoy her. She is at such a fun stage right now! I just love it! I couldn't ask for a better sweet little princess!!

Enough of that.. I feel a little better now getting all that out of my head.